Thank you.

I still don't know what to say next...but we do owe you a gazillion thank yous...so that seems a good place to start.

Thank you so much to everyone who came to Ryder's service and thank you to those who helped with it.  It was great to see all of you; your support has been nothing short of amazing.  The willingness you had to stop what you were doing in the middle of a random Thursday and be somewhere none of us wanted to be for a reason none of us can even begin to understand was appreciated more than I can ever put into words.  Some of you drove for hours to come...got speeding tickets on your way...drove solo with a baby in your backseat or left your brand new baby to be there.  Some of you knew you could only stay for a few minutes, but you came anyway.  Some of you have known us very well and some of you have not...some of you wiped our Ryder's poopy bottom at least once a week or changed his tubing more times than you care to remember...and some of you only saw his breathtaking smile via my pictures.  Funerals are never easy -they are sad, uncomfortable, awkward really, and none of us knows what to say, or do, or what we need or want to hear.  I know.  But thank you for coming to be sad and uncomfortable with us.

Thank you for all of your messages - the calls, facebook messages, texts, emails, blog posts and/or any other means of communication I am missing.  I know some of you couldn't be there with us and we thank you for thinking about us and caring.  I responded to some of your messages initially but then sometimes I just couldn't - I read them all, sometimes multiple times but sometimes I felt I had nothing to say in return that was as perfect, helpful or meaningful as what you said to me.

The cards...thank you for all the cards - I am still reading them (and we are still getting them)...I love the messages, especially the cards that came with letters inside.  The stories about Ryder, about butterflies, about angels and about peace - I loved them.  I am not sure how some of you even got our address - the fact that you would go to all that trouble means so much.  I did not forget to say thank you for the greenery either - the flowers were beautiful and we have 2 plants left at our house.  Another plant has gone to plant heaven, sorry plant, I did not inherit my mom's green thumb.  Thank you for the food, the sugar and caffeine especially...

From my Johnson fam - Ryder will have his name up by the Polar bear exhibit at the KC Zoo, what an awesome Christmas gift - to visit our Ryder's name next to Addy's favorite zoo friend - just perfect.  Thank you for all the beautiful Angel gifts, Steve & Dena your angel has been confiscated by Addy to be Baby Bitty's "mommy" so she has been very busy.  Given the timing our our goodbye these are a few of my other favorite gifts - thank you Julie, Bethany, Stephanie, Wathen, Aaron & Gen, Rita & Dev.
Thank you thank you thank you for your support for congenital heart disease in memory of our Ryder - we have already received a letter (filled front and back with names) of those who donated to Little Hearts online for Ryder - high school/college/med school/residency friends, family, neighbors and people we don't know personally.  We sent money in from his funeral alone for over a thousand dollars.  Donations were also made to the American Heart Association and Congenital Heart Defects Families Association in memory of Ryder.  You all are just amazing.

Thank you for rooting for Ryder, for praying for him.  Thank you for reading my updates, asking about how he was doing, and for all of your support along the way.  Thank you for visiting with him and holding his hand, he loved holding hands.  Thank you for reading to him, watching Baby Einstein with him and always making sure his silver beads were within reach.  Thank you for putting tangerine chapstick on him when we weren't there - more so to see him delight in the taste as his little tongue darted out around that tube than for it actually healing chapped lips.  Thank you for laughing at him with us when he repeatedly grabbed his nasal cannula and stuck it in his mouth all the while looking at you as if you were the one who kept putting it in the wrong place.  Thank you for bandaging his wounds, giving his medicines, and watching his every heartbeat, right down to the last one.  Thank you for being Ryder's (and our) family.