Saturday, March 8, 2014
Friday, November 29, 2013
Dear Ryder
Dear Ryder,
It doesn't seem real that you have been gone a year. I miss you. I miss holding your hand. I miss petting your chubby cheeks. I miss kissing your toes. Your eyes - they always seemed to know everything...I miss them the most. I spend a lot of time thinking about you...I am so very afraid I will forget something. If I had to pick my favorite moment - there was one particular time I walked up to your room - it was nighttime and you were in your bouncy chair - it was quiet, most of the lights were off and there was just a computer screen and I think the end of Baby Einstein's lullaby playing in the background. All of your IVs were stretched as far as they could go, around the crib so that you could face the doorway. You should have been asleep, but you were wide awake. I smiled at you, and it took you a second, but then you recognized me and you grinned back. You were waiting for me.
I spent one Sunday with the monitor cords and your picc line IVs stretched all the way across the room so I could keep you on the couch by the window. I covered all the wires up with blankets and you just looked like a healthy little bundle that didn't belong in the ICU. The sun was out - you weren't used to that kind of light so you had to keep squinting your eyes, and then you fell asleep. I watched you sleep for a long time. It was perfect.
Once, I was holding you up against my chest, and you were wearing just your diaper. You weren't strong enough to hold your head upright so I had my hand on the back of your neck to steady you and you rested your chin on my shoulder. You were trying so hard to look up and over - like you knew that there was something great to see if you could just get that little head up a little higher - you worked so hard my sweet boy. You never gave up.
I was hoping by now I would have more answers. Mostly, why couldn't we have you here just a little longer? But I don't know, and I won't. A little longer would never have been enough time anyway. I hope you know that we would have slept in that ICU next to you forever if we just had the chance to have even 1 more hour. I think about what you are doing all the time, but I don't know, are you still 9 months and 2 days old? Or will you turn 2 in February? For some reason I believe that you will grow to be 4 or 5, then stop, but I'm not sure why I believe that...Addy is very confident you have a crib in heaven and that she will one day have a bed beside it with me then your daddy on the other side. Is she right? I am confident I will know you when I see you again, but I am not sure how. Will you have those same beautiful blue eyes? Will you be waiting for me then, too?
I hope you know that we are so sorry for all the pain you experienced while you were here; we are sorry for any moment you felt cold, or hungry, or alone. I hope you know that we wanted to give you everything we could and if given the chance, we would only try to give you more. We desperately wanted to keep you as long as we could but we wanted you to know happiness, too. You will always be our warrior. We knew you were God's perfect gift and we are so thankful that you got to be ours. I loved every moment with you. I felt so blessed every time you took a breath, so blessed every time I watched a heart beat on the monitor. I have never felt so sure of my purpose here, than I felt being your mommy. I will always pray that you are warm, that you are happy and that you feel nothing but love. You will forever be on my heart, love, and I will be patiently waiting for the day I will hold you again.
I love you, all the time,
Mommy
It doesn't seem real that you have been gone a year. I miss you. I miss holding your hand. I miss petting your chubby cheeks. I miss kissing your toes. Your eyes - they always seemed to know everything...I miss them the most. I spend a lot of time thinking about you...I am so very afraid I will forget something. If I had to pick my favorite moment - there was one particular time I walked up to your room - it was nighttime and you were in your bouncy chair - it was quiet, most of the lights were off and there was just a computer screen and I think the end of Baby Einstein's lullaby playing in the background. All of your IVs were stretched as far as they could go, around the crib so that you could face the doorway. You should have been asleep, but you were wide awake. I smiled at you, and it took you a second, but then you recognized me and you grinned back. You were waiting for me.
I spent one Sunday with the monitor cords and your picc line IVs stretched all the way across the room so I could keep you on the couch by the window. I covered all the wires up with blankets and you just looked like a healthy little bundle that didn't belong in the ICU. The sun was out - you weren't used to that kind of light so you had to keep squinting your eyes, and then you fell asleep. I watched you sleep for a long time. It was perfect.
Once, I was holding you up against my chest, and you were wearing just your diaper. You weren't strong enough to hold your head upright so I had my hand on the back of your neck to steady you and you rested your chin on my shoulder. You were trying so hard to look up and over - like you knew that there was something great to see if you could just get that little head up a little higher - you worked so hard my sweet boy. You never gave up.
I was hoping by now I would have more answers. Mostly, why couldn't we have you here just a little longer? But I don't know, and I won't. A little longer would never have been enough time anyway. I hope you know that we would have slept in that ICU next to you forever if we just had the chance to have even 1 more hour. I think about what you are doing all the time, but I don't know, are you still 9 months and 2 days old? Or will you turn 2 in February? For some reason I believe that you will grow to be 4 or 5, then stop, but I'm not sure why I believe that...Addy is very confident you have a crib in heaven and that she will one day have a bed beside it with me then your daddy on the other side. Is she right? I am confident I will know you when I see you again, but I am not sure how. Will you have those same beautiful blue eyes? Will you be waiting for me then, too?
I hope you know that we are so sorry for all the pain you experienced while you were here; we are sorry for any moment you felt cold, or hungry, or alone. I hope you know that we wanted to give you everything we could and if given the chance, we would only try to give you more. We desperately wanted to keep you as long as we could but we wanted you to know happiness, too. You will always be our warrior. We knew you were God's perfect gift and we are so thankful that you got to be ours. I loved every moment with you. I felt so blessed every time you took a breath, so blessed every time I watched a heart beat on the monitor. I have never felt so sure of my purpose here, than I felt being your mommy. I will always pray that you are warm, that you are happy and that you feel nothing but love. You will forever be on my heart, love, and I will be patiently waiting for the day I will hold you again.
I love you, all the time,
Mommy
Saturday, October 5, 2013
A Celebration of Life
It is so incredibly foreign to write something on here. I am trying to figure out if I can compare it to something, but I'm not sure how best to describe it...it's not quite the same as a journal, I suppose it shouldn't be difficult to talk to yourself if you at one point did that regularly. The more I think about it, though, that is probably the exact reason this feels so awkward. I don't know what to say to myself. I started this blog for Ryder thinking that if there were bad days (as their most certainly would be) I wouldn't be able to repeatedly describe a setback to anyone and this would be any easy way to opt out of that. As time went on I spent a lot of time writing to convince the small part of myself that remained sad, afraid and very lost that it would all turn out perfectly if we never lost hope. And this helped. We never did lose hope in our little warrior.
I suppose then you have to ask, what does turn out perfectly even mean? I get very caught up on the loss - how can anything be "perfect" if a life is lost, if you have to give up so much? Our baby is gone. I can't think of words to describe the disappointment of asking, praying, begging, pleading for a miracle and not getting it. Especially when you can't understand why. But I focus mostly on what I was asking for last November. I wanted to bring my Ryder home for Christmas. But that doesn't make sense to dwell on either, since that was at least the thousandth miracle I asked for. I got nine months and 2 days full of miracles. What I think I have realized more recently is that what I really wanted was for it to turn out perfectly for me. Ryder's life was beautiful, and when his life ended, he became completely perfect - free of sorrow, free of tears, free of pain and his little heart has been made new.
We celebrated Ryder's life along with many other sweet lives that ended at Children's Mercy a few weeks ago...it was a nice ceremony and I am very glad we went but truthfully it was just as awful as you can imagine it would be. It was a group funeral of sorts. Grief is heavy and confusing because it is usually mixed with varying degrees of thankfulness, anger, pain, sadness, guilt, etc. so you can only imagine putting immeasurable amounts of that all of that in one room. There is no room big enough to hold that which very much made it feel humid in said room and very much like the ceiling would cave in, the oxygen would run out and we would all suffocate. But then we went outside and released hundreds of butterflies...amazing.
I suppose then you have to ask, what does turn out perfectly even mean? I get very caught up on the loss - how can anything be "perfect" if a life is lost, if you have to give up so much? Our baby is gone. I can't think of words to describe the disappointment of asking, praying, begging, pleading for a miracle and not getting it. Especially when you can't understand why. But I focus mostly on what I was asking for last November. I wanted to bring my Ryder home for Christmas. But that doesn't make sense to dwell on either, since that was at least the thousandth miracle I asked for. I got nine months and 2 days full of miracles. What I think I have realized more recently is that what I really wanted was for it to turn out perfectly for me. Ryder's life was beautiful, and when his life ended, he became completely perfect - free of sorrow, free of tears, free of pain and his little heart has been made new.
We celebrated Ryder's life along with many other sweet lives that ended at Children's Mercy a few weeks ago...it was a nice ceremony and I am very glad we went but truthfully it was just as awful as you can imagine it would be. It was a group funeral of sorts. Grief is heavy and confusing because it is usually mixed with varying degrees of thankfulness, anger, pain, sadness, guilt, etc. so you can only imagine putting immeasurable amounts of that all of that in one room. There is no room big enough to hold that which very much made it feel humid in said room and very much like the ceiling would cave in, the oxygen would run out and we would all suffocate. But then we went outside and released hundreds of butterflies...amazing.
And last, but not least, this February we are so excited to celebrate another new little life...a little boy who is already very loved. It breaks my heart to think he will never meet his brother (here on Earth) because I automatically picture all three of our babies being here at home with us, but I know he will carry Ryder's heart with him, forever. Do you see the perfect butterfly shape of that little heart? If only ultrasound showed color, I suspect it would show up yellow...
Saturday, August 3, 2013
The Quilt
It is still so heartbreaking to open up this page and not have an update to give you on Ryder. Even when it wasn't necessarily all good news, it was news nonetheless. He was here, he was active, dynamic, and always amazing...and even when the now wasn't perfect, it was hopeful. And all those not-so-perfect moments - those were all OUR moments. They were our gifts. So we will just start there - the update. Our little warrior would be 18 months old at the end of this month. I of course can't be sure of anything, but I do believe that he is toddling around, laughing and playing, just not down here with us. I think about what he is doing all the time, but I also take him with me everywhere I go. He was at the zoo today. I didn't see the yellow butterfly again - today only an orange one, but I could picture him perfectly running away from me giggling while we were trying to get on the tram and could almost feel him squirming in my lap trying to get free...
Addy, now she just won't stop getting bigger. She is playing soccer this summer and starts back to pre-K and dance class at the end of the month. She is full of surprises, songs and is just a spark of pure joy. I hope she never loses the mindset that the world is full of 2 kinds of people, her friends, and those she has not met yet, who represent future friends.
If you were wondering if I have seen any yellow butterflies fluttering about...absolutely yes, but not often, and never if I am searching to find one. The butterfly house in St. Louis for example - not a single yellow butterfly. But the afternoon before mother's day on my deck he did come to visit...
Most importantly for tonight, the quilt.
The day we brought our Ryder to the Park with all the Flowers, I gave a bag of treasures - Ryder's clothes, to my friend Jill...who delivered them to a group of amazing ladies, the Scott County Homemaker's Extension Association Quilter's Unit...who had volunteered to turn these tangible bits of my sweet boy into a quilt. They worked countless hours on this project and the attention to detail is truly incredible - carefully moving small embroidered animals from pajamas to the center of small square of coordinating fabric and re-stitching them, folding and pressing the tiniest of the onsies and adhering them to their own squares to fit aside the bigger clothes, incorporating bits of every little outfit I sent. The final product is beautiful, painfully beautiful in fact. It is perfect, and while I'd like to promise these ladies I will protect their work of art properly hung up, displayed or packaged, I am afraid that I won't be able to stop myself from loving it until the edges are frayed.
I don't know how to say thank you enough to Jill and this wonderful group of ladies. I am trying so hard not to cry on this lovely quilt and am failing miserably. And if this gift isn't touching enough, the second bag...the bag with every tiny remaining remnant of cloth saved for me, not even one thread or snap thrown out...and folded into the bottom of that bag...dated printouts from this very blog that they searched out and read to know the significance of the yellow butterfly that they then carefully stitched to the quilt's back corner....
Addy, now she just won't stop getting bigger. She is playing soccer this summer and starts back to pre-K and dance class at the end of the month. She is full of surprises, songs and is just a spark of pure joy. I hope she never loses the mindset that the world is full of 2 kinds of people, her friends, and those she has not met yet, who represent future friends.
If you were wondering if I have seen any yellow butterflies fluttering about...absolutely yes, but not often, and never if I am searching to find one. The butterfly house in St. Louis for example - not a single yellow butterfly. But the afternoon before mother's day on my deck he did come to visit...
Most importantly for tonight, the quilt.
The day we brought our Ryder to the Park with all the Flowers, I gave a bag of treasures - Ryder's clothes, to my friend Jill...who delivered them to a group of amazing ladies, the Scott County Homemaker's Extension Association Quilter's Unit...who had volunteered to turn these tangible bits of my sweet boy into a quilt. They worked countless hours on this project and the attention to detail is truly incredible - carefully moving small embroidered animals from pajamas to the center of small square of coordinating fabric and re-stitching them, folding and pressing the tiniest of the onsies and adhering them to their own squares to fit aside the bigger clothes, incorporating bits of every little outfit I sent. The final product is beautiful, painfully beautiful in fact. It is perfect, and while I'd like to promise these ladies I will protect their work of art properly hung up, displayed or packaged, I am afraid that I won't be able to stop myself from loving it until the edges are frayed.
I don't know how to say thank you enough to Jill and this wonderful group of ladies. I am trying so hard not to cry on this lovely quilt and am failing miserably. And if this gift isn't touching enough, the second bag...the bag with every tiny remaining remnant of cloth saved for me, not even one thread or snap thrown out...and folded into the bottom of that bag...dated printouts from this very blog that they searched out and read to know the significance of the yellow butterfly that they then carefully stitched to the quilt's back corner....
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
2013 AHA Kansas City Heart Walk
Saturday, May 18th we will be walking in the 2013 AHA Kansas City Heart Walk in memory of our forever heart warrior...
If you are free and not already on a team, we would love for you to join us! Just click on the link below, then "Join Our Team." It is a great opportunity for a fun family walk and I am sure I will be able to come up with something for a team Tshirt...
If you can't walk but want to make a donation to the AHA, that is great too! Every dollar counts.
http://heartwalk.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=1033009&lis=0&kntae1033009=DCA2D4B0CB644EFC813532A6C84AE6B6&supId=0&team=5493045&cj=Y
Really delayed update: As promised, we finished all 3 miles of the heart walk. Well almost - Addy finished most of that walk on daddy's shoulders :) Thanks to very generous donations from family, friends, & coworkers we raised a grand total of $2,862.00! We will try to have a little more energy and top that next year but not too shabby I think.
If you are free and not already on a team, we would love for you to join us! Just click on the link below, then "Join Our Team." It is a great opportunity for a fun family walk and I am sure I will be able to come up with something for a team Tshirt...
If you can't walk but want to make a donation to the AHA, that is great too! Every dollar counts.
http://heartwalk.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=1033009&lis=0&kntae1033009=DCA2D4B0CB644EFC813532A6C84AE6B6&supId=0&team=5493045&cj=Y
Really delayed update: As promised, we finished all 3 miles of the heart walk. Well almost - Addy finished most of that walk on daddy's shoulders :) Thanks to very generous donations from family, friends, & coworkers we raised a grand total of $2,862.00! We will try to have a little more energy and top that next year but not too shabby I think.
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| Always on our hearts. |
Saturday, March 9, 2013
The laundry
Sitting at Starbucks...just dropped off Addy at her friend Claire's birthday party. I can't believe she is big enough to go to a friend's house for her birthday--but I suppose Claire will have more fun playing with friends who don't have any mommy legs to hang on to. It is incredible to think about how many little moments go by like that when you aren't ready for them.
We had Ryder's birthday party as planned on February 28th. It actually felt so comfortable to walk in those doors again, like coming home after you've been away on a long trip. It had been just shy of 3 months but it was like I just walked down that hall last the day before. It is really odd the tricks your heart can play on you...I think the last second before I looked over at Ryder's old room I was sure that I would see his giraffe velcroed to the crib and I would realize this was all a really long dream. More miraculous things have happened, right?
It was great to see all of our "extended family" again and Addy had a blast. It took her about 8 seconds to warm up and then she danced for everyone, gave out a lot of hugs, and proudly announced she was going to be a nurse when she grew up...and a princess. Girl has goals. She didn't forget when she left to ask for a sticker at the desk, like she's done a hundred times before...
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There will always be things, and more importantly people, that it is impossible not to cling to when they are gone. Initially there is a lot of things that represent the people that you can hold on to - pictures and movies, that's a given. Clothes. Toys. How can you ever imagine you will treat a $3 plastic ball like it's gold, and then cringe when it's played with. Then you start hanging the toys on your Christmas tree and pack them away as if they were made of crystal. Chapstick. The tangerine kind, but one is not enough, because what if you can't find more when it runs out? So you buy $50 worth of it at Whole Foods. That is a lot of chapstick. And, of course, the laundry. Ross took out anything with baby poop on it and washed it right away - I'm not sure if he actually predicted the potential issues with poop laundry or if he was just being practical...but as of last week I have managed to snuggle any remaining Ryder scent out of everything else. The only thing left in the laundry bag now is a pair of socks. They are the ones he was wearing in the last picture Ross took of him kicking his toys hanging above his crib late on November 29th. I don't know what to do with those socks yet but for now, they stay in the bag...and now I will have to sleep with Ryder's teddy bear instead.
We had Ryder's birthday party as planned on February 28th. It actually felt so comfortable to walk in those doors again, like coming home after you've been away on a long trip. It had been just shy of 3 months but it was like I just walked down that hall last the day before. It is really odd the tricks your heart can play on you...I think the last second before I looked over at Ryder's old room I was sure that I would see his giraffe velcroed to the crib and I would realize this was all a really long dream. More miraculous things have happened, right?
It was great to see all of our "extended family" again and Addy had a blast. It took her about 8 seconds to warm up and then she danced for everyone, gave out a lot of hugs, and proudly announced she was going to be a nurse when she grew up...and a princess. Girl has goals. She didn't forget when she left to ask for a sticker at the desk, like she's done a hundred times before...
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| Raffie O'Newman |
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
First Birthdays.
Tomorrow Ryder would have celebrated his first birthday. Just looking at those two words- first birthday- breaks my heart. I imagine that every time from now on that I see a first birthday picture - the one with the cake smeared all over the sweet little face -I will have this same broken heart. Ryder's cake would have been ridiculous. 3 tiers...covered in giraffe spots with a big ONE on top. He would have loved it - I can picture his face just as if he were sitting across from me right now. Big (confused) eyes - wondering why everyone was looking at him and laughing. He would have had a few more months of physical therapy and I'm sure sitting up by himself. He is a Newman, so he would have no problem actually eating the cake. I would have probably tried to have a petting zoo delivered to our house for his birthday. Ross would have shut me down (gently), explaining that you just can't have a petting zoo in February. I may have gotten Ryder a bunny instead...or maybe just a pony.
Tomorrow we are still celebrating Ryder's birthday. But, not quite the way I planned every time he had a good day. Addy has school, Ross and I have clinic. Then after dinner, we are having birthday cake & ice cream at the only place we could possibly imagine celebrating Ryder - in the PICU. It will be really hard going back there. I won't be able to stop myself from looking over at his room. All of his rooms, but particularly his last room, the one where I gave him his last kiss, sang him his last lullabye and handed him over, literally and figuratively. I hope that the memory of his peaceful little face will be burned in my mind forever. I would give anything just to feel his weight again...a perfect little gift, all wrapped up, sleeping peacefully. For the first time in his 9 months and 2 days he was without any cords or wires tying him down to this Earth. He had the most wise deep blue eyes; I think he knew the whole time, he just couldn't tell me...It will be hard, but we can do hard things, and Ryder certainly deserves our best. I have no doubt he will be watching.
So what gift do you give for a first birthday such as this? Sometimes, there are no words, only photographs - so that is what we are giving with the help of Christy from Happy Chick Photography...
And thank you again to everyone who has already given a gift for other little heart warriors in memory of our Ryder - to the AHA, Congenital Heart Disease Families Assoc. and to Little Hearts - the Little Hearts donation list is pretty amazing, isn't it? Plus- your cash and checks we sent in later! Plus- Ryder's donation to the KC Zoo! You are all incredible.
RYDER JAMES NEWMAN
James & Nancy Allen
Vicki Lynn Altman
Joseph Bayer Jr.
Jennifer Boyd
Jilian Bueltmann
Kevin Burgert
Brian Burghardt
Lori Chenot
Denise Bratcher Cochran
Dept of Internal Medicine, University of Kansas
City Medical Center
Tim & Leslie Duesenberg
Leigh Eck
Albert Eid
Pamela Emert
JDuesenberg Financial
Jan & Jerry Ford
Kathryn L. Fuger
Sara Gardner
Marcie Goeden
Lori Falcone Gritter
Julie Heisinger
Richard & Regna Heisinger
Joshua Herigon
Aletha Hinthorn
Amber Hoffman
Mary Anne Jackson
Nancy Janssen
Matthew Johnson
Jane Knapp
Corey Koch
Molly K. Krager
Charles & Hillary Lawrence
Emmy Leone
Michael Luchi
Daryl Lynch
Heather Male
Keith Mann
Dwayne Martin
Kristin McIntyre
Melissa Miller
Emily Montgomery
Heather R. Moss
Jason Newland
Michael & Diane Newman
Amy J. Nopper
Barbara Pahud
Frank & Marcee Palazzo
Priyal Patel
Pediatric Associates Kansas City
Mr. & Mrs. Peterson
Elizabeth Pitts
Chris & Micholee Polsak
Barbara Pribil
Ben Raines
Roy & Judy Raines
Krishna Rangaranjan
Jessica & Adam Rich
Joan B. Schmitt
Tessa Singer
Judith Spear
Steven Stites
William Swinea
Ken & Celeste Tarantino
John & Janet Taylor
The Children's Mercy Hospital CCE
The Children's Mercy Hospital
The Children's Mercy Hospitalists
The Children's Mercy Nurses - Jacqui,
Kristina & Shea
The Children's Mercy Hospital, The Physicians
of Emergency Medicine
Alison Hannon Troutwine
Betty & Quentin Wade
Kimberly & Mark Whittlesey
Kenneth L. Wible
Kristi Williams
Addy celebrated baby Bitty's first birthday today and all her baby guests had carrots, taquitos (??)bread slices and cupcakes. Then "Mommy, when we have a piece of Ryder's birthday cake tomorrow, he's going to be eating some too in Heaven!" Their amazing little minds...and yes, I am sure the icing will be sweeter...
Thank you for loving our Ryder as we love him, every minute, all the time.
Tomorrow we are still celebrating Ryder's birthday. But, not quite the way I planned every time he had a good day. Addy has school, Ross and I have clinic. Then after dinner, we are having birthday cake & ice cream at the only place we could possibly imagine celebrating Ryder - in the PICU. It will be really hard going back there. I won't be able to stop myself from looking over at his room. All of his rooms, but particularly his last room, the one where I gave him his last kiss, sang him his last lullabye and handed him over, literally and figuratively. I hope that the memory of his peaceful little face will be burned in my mind forever. I would give anything just to feel his weight again...a perfect little gift, all wrapped up, sleeping peacefully. For the first time in his 9 months and 2 days he was without any cords or wires tying him down to this Earth. He had the most wise deep blue eyes; I think he knew the whole time, he just couldn't tell me...It will be hard, but we can do hard things, and Ryder certainly deserves our best. I have no doubt he will be watching.
So what gift do you give for a first birthday such as this? Sometimes, there are no words, only photographs - so that is what we are giving with the help of Christy from Happy Chick Photography...
RYDER JAMES NEWMAN
James & Nancy Allen
Vicki Lynn Altman
Joseph Bayer Jr.
Jennifer Boyd
Jilian Bueltmann
Kevin Burgert
Brian Burghardt
Lori Chenot
Denise Bratcher Cochran
Dept of Internal Medicine, University of Kansas
City Medical Center
Tim & Leslie Duesenberg
Leigh Eck
Albert Eid
Pamela Emert
JDuesenberg Financial
Jan & Jerry Ford
Kathryn L. Fuger
Sara Gardner
Marcie Goeden
Lori Falcone Gritter
Julie Heisinger
Richard & Regna Heisinger
Joshua Herigon
Aletha Hinthorn
Amber Hoffman
Mary Anne Jackson
Nancy Janssen
Matthew Johnson
Jane Knapp
Corey Koch
Molly K. Krager
Charles & Hillary Lawrence
Emmy Leone
Michael Luchi
Daryl Lynch
Heather Male
Keith Mann
Dwayne Martin
Kristin McIntyre
Melissa Miller
Emily Montgomery
Heather R. Moss
Jason Newland
Michael & Diane Newman
Amy J. Nopper
Barbara Pahud
Frank & Marcee Palazzo
Priyal Patel
Pediatric Associates Kansas City
Mr. & Mrs. Peterson
Elizabeth Pitts
Chris & Micholee Polsak
Barbara Pribil
Ben Raines
Roy & Judy Raines
Krishna Rangaranjan
Jessica & Adam Rich
Joan B. Schmitt
Tessa Singer
Judith Spear
Steven Stites
William Swinea
Ken & Celeste Tarantino
John & Janet Taylor
The Children's Mercy Hospital CCE
The Children's Mercy Hospital
The Children's Mercy Hospitalists
The Children's Mercy Nurses - Jacqui,
Kristina & Shea
The Children's Mercy Hospital, The Physicians
of Emergency Medicine
Alison Hannon Troutwine
Betty & Quentin Wade
Kimberly & Mark Whittlesey
Kenneth L. Wible
Kristi Williams
Addy celebrated baby Bitty's first birthday today and all her baby guests had carrots, taquitos (??)bread slices and cupcakes. Then "Mommy, when we have a piece of Ryder's birthday cake tomorrow, he's going to be eating some too in Heaven!" Their amazing little minds...and yes, I am sure the icing will be sweeter...
Thank you for loving our Ryder as we love him, every minute, all the time.
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