Sweet boy...

Sweet, sweet, baby boy - can't believe that you are sweet 16 [days] old already!  On one hand it seems like you just arrived - like we just got you settled up in the NICU...that was a great week - after holding our breaths for about 36 hrs - there you still were, just hanging out on your prostaglandins - not needing any of those scary interventions we were anticipating.  Then we got to spend the rest of the week kissing those little fingers and piggie toes and dressing you up in cute 'boy' leggings and hats.  Well, maybe you didn't think that part was great, but we did!

But it also seems like we have been waiting forever.  You are looking so much bigger now...notably most of that is fluid, but you still look taller...and already older.  It is sad to think what would you would be up to if we had gotten to take you home 2 wks ago.  By now you would be eating well and would probably have fattened up well beyond your 7 lbs 2 oz.  We would be torturing you by laying you on your tummy and dangling toys for you to look at - some of it would probably make you cry.  We probably would already have a routine down of who would be getting up at 3am to feed you.  Daddy would want to do it but I probably would still insist it was me.  We would have already gotten bored with counting how many wet diapers you had a day.  By now you would have been cuddled by a lot of visitors, instead of mostly peeks at your picture.  We would already have thousands of pictures of you.  Addy would certainly be a fussy mess!  I am sure she would also be following you around wherever you were carried, with lots of questions and demands to carry you around the house and push you in her stroller.  It would be great to already be exhuasted by all those things...

But here you are and here we are in this ICU room instead.  You are sleeping peacefully still most of your time and that is really comforting, but it's even better when your little blue eyes pop open and you look around for a few minutes.  So far you have only gotten to lay on your back and you are just starting to wiggle your arms and legs again.  Addy hasn't gotten to touch you much yet, but she also loves to look at your picture.  So far you haven't gotten to eat yet, and you are wearing a diaper but just to cover up your catheter.  I didn't take your picture for almost a week, because I didn't want to remember what you looked like when your skin turned dusky grey or when you had the ECMO cathteters in your chest.  We are exhausted but mostly because we are trying to stay awake because that's all we can really do, is be here while your nurses and doctors do everything else.

But, today was a good day.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed you have had more fluid in than out, but one of your drips was turned down, you spent a little time awake and there were no major catastrophies.  We couldn't really ask for more than that.   And so I will sit here and wait with you, so that I can hope for all the exhausting newborn 'work' to really get started...hopefully very soon.

Night night sweet little peanut!